As the title indicates this post has been a long time in coming. I have for quite a while now wanted to share my testimony on here and with people I know, but as was pointed out to me, fear and pride were holding me back. Some have heard it- in part. Here though I would like to share the full story (with discretion) of what God has brought me through.
I was saved at the age of six at a Rob Evans (the Donut Man) show. When we moved here we became very involved in church. I was a typical church kid for the most part. I was even homeschooled. But some where along the way I became prideful in my “righteousness”.
The very peak of my pride became my very darkest downfall- my purity. Around my teen years I began to look at, watch and read things I shouldn’t. And my heart was very rebellious. Outwardly nobody would have ever known. I was the girl that didn’t date, dressed modestly, was saving sex till marriage, etc. but inwardly I was all rot. Impure thoughts, rebellion, and others littered my heart and mind. I knew what I was doing was wrong. For a short time I didn’t care, but then I came to despise it. I would come to God often to confess, cry, plead, even connive with Him only to go right back to doing it. Even after I felt God calling me to missions I couldn’t get rid of it.
LIFT Camp 2008 Cedarville University. My last year of high school camp. There’s not a whole lot I remember about the services, but I do remember being so broken over this secret sin that was eating away at me. I grabbed a particular counselor and we went backstage and I told her everything I had done, looked at, and everything. That was the first confession for me. Now, life did not immediately turn around and it was not until two years later (after watching s LIFT service online) that I confessed to my mom.
February 2011 is the date that sticks out in my mind though. I can remember the day clearly. It is the day of mine and Jesus’ anniversary, the day I truly met my Beloved and my life was changed forever. That day I excepted the proposal of my King and He washed me clean and set me free. That day Life began!
Many times I have thought about which characters of the Bible I identify with. There are two that resonate closely with my heart: the woman caught in the act of adultery and Peter. Both were condemned in some way (the woman by her actions and Peter by his denial) yet they were both restored and given new life. That is the journey I feel God has taken me on, and He still is.
He has healed some wounds and left some scars, but our scars are our story.