I'm Giving Up God's Promises.

"That's it. I'm done. I'm throwing in the towel. God gave me promises, and I don't see them happening. God has asked me to do things, and they don't make sense."

Those are probably things that came to your mind when you read that title, but rest assured, that is not the vein in which I'm moving.

I'm giving up God's promises, because He has so much more for me. I am a entering state of surrender, or at least I'm trying to. You see, I've come to realize that while God does keep His promises, sometimes, oftentimes, they don't look the way we want or expect them to look. Sometimes we get so focused on the promise we forget Who gave it to us, then it becomes an idol.

Would I be willing to go in a new direction even if it means letting go of a promise?
What if God is leading me on a path and we take a sudden detour that seems to lead directly away from the promises of God. Will I still trust Him?
What if I told everybody God is leading "here" and then, by God's direction, I end up somewhere else. Am I willing to stand the questions and look foolish before them?
What if God started to fulfill a promise and then asked me to give it up? Oh, flashbacks to Abraham and Isaac...can I do that? 

So what does it mean to give up God's promises?
To me it looks like opening my hands so that God may give and take away as is His plan. He may empty my hands; He may fill them.
It looks like climbing each mountain before me with my hands wide open. Giving up God's promises looks like throwing a stone in the depths and seeing the effects.

I am giving up God's promises that I may have God Himself.

I will fix my eyes not upon the promise, but upon the Promise-Giver.

Memories. or The One Where I May Have Lost My Mind

A year ago I was getting ready to leave for the land that stole my heart. Today I am getting ready for a Father/Daughter dance I've been a part of coordinating (that I'm really excited about). Last year my heart was bursting with excitement; this year my heart is breaking with longing. It's odd to be excited about the dance and yet so sad about Ukraine at the same time. So as a way to brighten my mood and let y'all laugh at me I give you the things I miss...

Airports- I know right, but there is something about the adventure and exhaustion of being in them and finally arriving at the destination

Ukrainian food- Oh my goodness, stuffed dumplings (w/ potatoes or cherries, yum), campfire in a cup (aka Uzvar- ошав), the juices, more of this below

Chocolate- the best I have ever had!! I couldn't tell you what kinds I had but they were amazing.

The Chocolate Cappuccino- Ukraine has made me a possible coffee drinker, but nothing I've had can compare with the ones there.

Ice cream- I can't even describe it except oh so good!
(see a trend in the last three ;))

Ukrainian bread- Okay I like bread but this had to be my favourite

Tea is better than coffee- No kidding the tea cups were twice the size of the coffee cups, and we got tea every morning with breakfast at the camp!

Salo- (this is one of the parts where you say I'm crazy) Yes. it's nasty (in my American opinion) and yes I almost gagged, but I would eat it in a heartbeat if it meant being back in the Ukraine.

Bogdan's peppers- so hot but so much fun to watch others try to master them.  And the time Alla and I each ate one and then drank our drinks and others because our mouths were on fire.

Photo credit

Squatty potties- (Maybe I have lost it) Okay, I don't actually miss these but just the initial experience (when in Rome...)

The roller coaster drives- rattle your teeth, loosen your joints, and a few bust your head on the ceiling jolts- again the experience

The language(s)- Russian and Ukrainian and something in between. I loved learning new words and just listening to everyone talk, although I hated not being able to reach out and being a listening ear or a word of encouragement.

Futbol- Aka soccer at 7-7:30 in the morning and any other free moment. 

The worship- Some songs I knew (in English) some I only learned a few words (in Ukrainian) but all had the same meaning.  Bringing God the glory and praising Him

Snow- сніг!


More than all the fun and craziness, I miss the people!  I miss getting to know new friends and meeting up with old ones. I miss learning to reach out and be a friend over the barrier of language.  I miss the smiles, the tears, the games, the laughter.  I miss being Jesus to the children and experiencing Him through them. The other counselors were amazing and I'll miss working with them.  I know they are having a great time and I'm praying for them!

PostScript: Since I'm a little behind in posting this I'll say, the Father/Daughter dance turned out fantastic!  Definitely a lasting memory.

Through Christ

Lady B

Did I?

Did I really just do that? Did I really just take a leap of faith?  

It's kind of odd to take a leap of faith and then have to wait. In a sense it feels like your just hanging out there not sure what is going to happen, but the truth is I have landed just where God wants me to- in His arms resting and waiting.  Who knows what will come of this jump.  Perhaps nothing.  Perhaps everything. Maybe it is just one step on the journey.  Maybe it's the beginning of a whole new adventure. Only God knows and it is in Him I trust!

The Voiceless Part One

At the beginning of this year one of the ladies in my church approached me and my friend about volunteering at our local crisis pregnancy center, of which she is the assistant director.  Little did I know that by saying yes my heart would be opened up to a world I only thought I knew on the surface and something new would begin.
God is amazing in how He plans all things.  My mom has been trying to get me to volunteer there for years (since I was 12 I’m sure), but I think God knew my heart was not ready.  So as I walked into that office God began His work.  Little did I know how my heart would break for these- the children and mothers both.
To be honest I was an uninformed Christian just spouting what I had heard but never really learning about these that have no voice of their own. It was often by my own choice too, sadly to say, but when God began revealing the plight of unborn babies and scared, hurting mothers I could be blind no more, nor could I be silent. 
I’m not even sure where to start; how to be a voice for these forgotten, silent ones.  Some are silent because their voice has been snuffed out too soon.  Some have no voice because they are hurt or frightened of what may happen if they speak.  Some even have a voice it would seem but that is not their real one,; no, the real one has been buried too deep because of the guilt and pain it brings about.
I do not feel qualified to shared all I have learned…
Two events that stand among many from the past few months are what taught me the most.
One was watching a video with the team in which a doctor met with different women desiring an abortion, all at differing stages of pregnancy, and explain to each what the process would be for that pregnancy at that stage. It was awful.  That’s all I could think of the rest of the week.  How could anybody choose that? How?
The second, a seminar by Abby Johnson, author of unPLANNED. She shared how she rose through the ranks of Planned Parenthood until the day she watched, Watched and helped with, an abortion via ultrasound.  It changed her whole life.  What she shared was heart stopping. 
I wish I could share so much more and truly be the voice crying out for this to stop.  Pleading with Christians to stand up and fight for what is right.  To nobly save the lives of the innocent! To stop the needless holocaust of our day!  What is the difference? Hitler said the Jews were not even people. Is that not what we are being told about these babies?
I also desire to be the voice of those women who have had an abortion.  The ones silently pleading for forgiveness and healing.  The ones lost and confused.  The ones thrown by the wayside and forgotten.  They need a Savior just as we do.  They need and Love deeper than we can give.  They need and Healer of the past and Mender of the future.  They need Jesus Christ.  Should we not reach out?

The Voiceless Intro

This year has been so hectic and crazy; I cannot believe it is already May. It seems just a week ago we were celebrating New Year's. But here we are and God has certainly been teaching me new things and working new things in my life. One of those being opening my heart more and more to those who have no voice. The ones who cannot speak up for themselves, cannot protect themselves. They are many and as God has been revealing more nad more my heart breaks that much more. What can I do? I must do something I cannot sit silently and just watch these things happen. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. said it this way, "Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter."

I do not consider myself a vocal, activist type person, but the time has come to wake from my slumber, to shout from the rooftops what is spoken in secret. I want to be able to say as Job:

I delivered the poor who cried out,
The fatherless and the one who had no helper. I put on righteousness, and it clothed me;
My justice was like a robe and a turban.
I was eyes to the blind,
And I was feet to the lame.
I was a father to the poor,
And I searched out the case that I did not know.
I broke the fangs of the wicked,
And plucked the victim from his teeth.
Job 29:12, 14-17

And follow the command:

Defend the poor and fatherless;
Do justice to the afflicted and needy.
Deliver the poor and needy;
Free them from the hand of the wicked.
Pslam 82:3-4

Who are these voiceless that God has placed so heavily on my heart? That is a question I hope to answer in the posts to come but the short answer is slaves, orphans and the unborn. These people are not able to speak up or defend themselves. I pray God would give me the voice to speak for them in whatever capasity He chooses. Today it will be here...

Through Christ
Lady B

The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.Edmund Burke

Take a walk or drive outside with me and I will tell you my favourite things, what my favourite flowers are.  Just take in what you see and the perfumes of those unseen and there you will understand the beauty I so enjoy. Simplicity

Tidbits

There is so much here to think about!  I listened to all of these today and now my mind and heart are in such an uproar.  “God, I want to be Your lady of prayer, following Your call, fighting with/for You, completely obsessed with You and bringing You complete glory- simply because You are worthy.  No other reason but You.”

Tell me what time you spend alone with God and I’ll tell you how spiritual you are. ~Leonard Ravenhill

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I want to be one who compels them to come!  I want to lend to God, but not so I can be repaid, just because I want them to know they are loved!

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I want this passion!  I want to want to fight without desiring comfort!
”We were called to advance a Kingdom!  To live with a Passion!  To fight for Him!  And to only, every once in a while, drop our swords and look up for a smile.” ~Paul Washer

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Am I all out for Jesus?  There is no in between and that makes a simple question both hard and simple.  Am I all out for Jesus?

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“Lord Jesus, I’m going to obey you, and love you, and serve you, and do what you want me to do, as long as I live, even if I go to Hell at the end of the road, simply because you are worthy to be loved, and obeyed and served…” ~Reidhead 
What is God going to get out of me?

PostScript- I am trying to type up my full testimony. I believe it is about time I had it completed.

Amazing Morning!

Wow, God is so amazing!  I cannot even begin to put into words the awesome time I had with Him this morning.  First off, I was talking to Him about living a set apart life in not just my inner man (character) but also in my outward man (environment, time, dress, etc.).  Afterwards I read Psalm 75 which was really good but I felt like reading more so I went to my reading schedule (which I have not been keeping up with but God had a reason for that) and read Leviticus 19-23.  It was amazing! There are  at least five verses that spoke about being holy or set apart, I was so excited that I just felt like God put them there for me today!  Then I went into my prayer time, and I have only done this once before, but I made a list of all the urgent prayer requests and as I made the list I added people as they came to mind.  I had no idea why I was praying for some of them, but if they came to mind I wrote them down and prayed for them.  It was the most amazing prayer time I have ever had.  I spoke with God about decisions people had to make, I called out to Jehovah-Jireh and pleaded with Jehovah-Rapha.  I shared my heart with my Beloved and my Father.  I cried; I laughed.  I feel a little weird sharing this stuff with you but I really feel like I need to.  Honestly, this is only the second time I have ever done this and I am so ashamed that I have not called out to God like this on behalf of so many.  That is something I want to change.  I want this kind a prayer to be just like breathing!

That was not the end of my amazing morning, though.  When I got up, in the time it took to wash my face and brush my teeth and one or two other things (about ten minutes), Mama told me about an email we had gotten asking for prayer.  As I read it I just started crying all over again.  It was from one of those people who had happened to pop into my head.  Everything I had prayed for (before reading the email remember) was in that email!  Wow, I am beyond blown away.  I had no idea but God knew and He led me to pray for this precious family and their ministry!

Never, ever think that your prayers are not important!  God hears them and He leads His people by His Spirit to pray for those in need!  I love my Lord and I am falling more in love with Him ever moment!  It is the greatest thing in the world.  I could go on and on, but I am sure it would be repetitive.

Please continue to call out to God daily for those in need and those that He brings to mind.  You never know when it will be life changing for someone, may be even you!

Through Christ,

Lady B

PostScript: I really feel like God must have something big planned, because satan is really on the prowl.
Please pray for those you know and do not know. Pray that God would send in His angels to do battle. That He would raise up warriors willing to fight for Him!

Thoughts for This Season

1.  I have been on the defensive.  In my spiritual walk, I have waited for satan to strike and then fought back in prayer.  I realized this Thursday, when I found out Grandpa had died.  I knew him for eleven years, yet I never once fell to my knees begging God to turn his heart to Him.  Not once did I ask him if he knew Christ, and then I found out he was dying a few weeks ago.  Then I prayed; then I tried to speak to him, but was it too late?  Has satan already struck the ending blow?  Not just with Grandpa but others, I have waited and now I wait no longer.  I want to be on the offensive.  I want to be there attacking satan (with God) before he even gets the chance to choose his next target.  It will take practice but no soldier goes into battle without some training.  Sometimes the battles even make him stronger.

2.  I want a man who will cherish me.  I want a warrior-poet.  Often I dream of the warrior side as just fighting for the things of God.  Yes I do want that to be my husband’s focus, but I also want him to be my warrior.  I want a man who will stand before me, God and the world and proclaim, “I love you.  I will fight for you; I will die for you!”  And, yet I have already found the perfect One who says, “I love you.  I am fighting for you; I died for you!”

3.  I did, in fact, watch Prince Caspian tonight for the first time in two years (since the day I watched it in theater).  Honestly, it is a love-hate kind of thing.  I hate it because it does not follow the book!!!! (what can I say, I am a purist)  But I like it because, well, it is Narnia.  Just do not expect anything more from me or I might go into a rant.  (very spiritual, I know)

4.  I will get my school work done so I can get to working on my Christmas presents and other projects.

5.  I will finish cleaning my room when I wake-up.

6.  I need to stop staying up so late and implement the schedule I wrote up Friday nigh…er…Saturday morning.

7.  This Thanksgiving when you think about the first celebration, remember the tragedy those Pilgrims went through before that day.  When you see the family of four think- the husband recently lost his wife (perhaps in childbirth), the wife was widowed the previous winter and the children lost their parents to some disease.  Yet they all came together to make a family and give thanks for this new country.  A country of freedom.

Through Christ,

Lady Helen

I am a woman of many contradictions.

Sounds quaint, does it not?  At least in writing.  I can tell you it is not so quaint as it sounds.  I was just spending some time with God in prayer and I, well, I was having trouble expressing myself…to God!  There are many contradictions within me and I do not know how to understand some of them.  How can someone be so full of contradictions.  Things such as whether or not you drink.  I will not ever drink but I think drinking is…I cannot even put into words what I think because it sounds so illogical and unformed!  Another is I really do not like the computer and being on it, but I can spend hours on end doing absolutely nothing but wasting time!  . Then there is the issue of children’s ministry.  I believe that the Bible, the truth, should be enough to bring people to Christ.  that children should not be separated from their parents, families should learn together.  But then I think that children do need to be reached out to and have a focus on them.  How do you mesh the two?  I feel that God is leading me to children’s ministry but how can I? (I am starting to get that tense, anxious feeling so I had better move on before something explodes.)  Then there are even bigger things like I know I love God, but there is a verse in the Bible that says “if you love me you will keep my commands.”   I wonder if I really love God; I do not always keep His commands…  The old adage, “Actions speak louder than words,” is my constant companion and  antagonist.  I know what I know about myself, or do I?  The saying seems to tell me otherwise.

As I was praying I just began telling God all of this and asking Him for help, and when I could say no more I began reading today’s passage, II Timothy 2.  Here is what the first verse says, “Thou therefore, my son, be strong in the grace that is in Christ Jesus.”

I do not know what I am going to do with myself or my contradictory nature but I will learn to be strong in the grace God has given me in Jesus Christ!

Thank you for listening to my rambling today!

Through Christ,

Lady Helen

Miracle in my heart

This is a song that has really been my prayer, the cry of my heart for the past few days. I hope it blesses you as it blessed me!
Here is a link to youtube if you would like to listen to it. I, personally, like it better on the Revival at Belfast II CD.

Miracle in my heart
by Brian Houston

We are called to be prophets to this nation,
To be the word of God in every situation;
Change my heart, change my heart today.
Who'll be the salt
If the salt should lose its flavour?
Who'll be the salt
If the salt should lose its flavour?
Change my heart, change my heart today.

Lord, Loose the chains of opression;
Lord, set the captives free.
Lord, fill my heart with Your compassion:
shine Your light, shine Your light,
shine Your light through me.

Work a miracle in my heart,
work a miracle in my heart,
work a miracle in my heart, O Lord, today.

Lord, take all of my lies, and all of my greed;
Let me be a sacrifice
For those who are in need.
Change my heart, change my heart today.
Lord, without Your power
It's all just good intentions;
Lord, without Your grace
Who could find redemption?
Change my heart, change my heart today.

God will move. Will we?

I met a lady at the beginning of this semester and the first thing I thought after talking with her was "She is the one I am here to reach" or something along those lines. It turned out she was in one of my classes, and I could have had many times to invite her to church. Over Easter I really felt like God wanted me to invite her to our Easter program but I did not. We just had friend day at our curch and again I felt that I should really invite her to church. I even talked to her after class but did not invite her. Well today as we were leaving class she asked me if I went to church anywhere! I was excited but then I found out she has been looking for somewhere to go to church with her daughter. All this semester I was to busy with myself or the thought of being uncomfortable, and she was seeking. I am so thankful God was patient and still able to use me but so sad that it took so long. My desire is to be a door-holder, but how can I be if I am too busy on the inside?