A year ago I was in Zambia.
This is the week God did one His biggest works in my heart on the Race.
This is the week we were challenged by our squad leader to become more vulnerable with our teammates.
This is the week I faced my hardest feedback on the Race.
At the beginning of the week I opened up to my team about being unsure of how to tread this new terrain of having guys on my team, being vulnerable, and still guarding my heart .That night instead of our usual feedback we were asked to write some feedback for each of our teammates. When I later received my notes my heart fell. Several of them had to do with the very thing I had shared with my team. I was upset, mad, hurt, and wasn't sure what to do with it. I took it to God, but I was a little upset with Him too. After several minutes of tears and question I finally stopped long enough for God to speak. He asked one question.
"Who has been guarding your heart all these years, you or Me?"
It took a week of struggle before I finally admitted the truth. I had, often in my own strength, tried to guard my heart and not completely trusted God. I still argued a little bit, but it finally came down to another question. This one I had heard often.
"Do you trust Me?"
I immediately knew that I had to. Not that God was making me, but because I knew that He is so much more qualified for the task than I am. When I finally relinquished it to God the freedom was so sweet. No longer did I have to fear crossing an indistinct line, because I was trusting the One that knew my heart better than I did, and He would guard it well.
That feedback turned out to be the hardest of my year, but also the best. It challenged my comfort zone and beliefs. It caused me to see that I needed to surrender so much more to my God and Beloved and allow Him to be my strength, provider, and guard. That week in Zambia taught me the freedom I can have when I walk in God's truth and not man's rules.
That lesson is still very precious to me now.
I still have those letters, and they are some of my favourite memories from the Race.